The Prophet,
(saaws - peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said,
"Abusing a Muslim is a sin, and killing him is disbelief."
(Bukhari and Muslim)
"The Prophet never beat any of his wives or servants; in fact, he did not
strike any living being with his hand except in the cause of Allah or when
the prohibitions of Allah had been violated, and he retaliated on behalf
of Allah." (An-Nasaa'i)
The Prophet
said: "When the people see a cruel person is committing aggression, and do
not prevent him, it is likely that Allah would afflect them with His
chastisement." (Abu Dawud, Tirmithi, An-Nisaa'i)
The Prophet
said: "Allah does not punish the individuals for the sins of the community
until they see the evil spreading among themselves, and while they have the
power to stop it, do not do so." (Ahmad)
Allah, swt, commands the believers to "Enjoin the good and forbid the evil."
(see Qur'an 3/104, 3/110, 9/71)
Does The Quran Really Instruct a Man to Beat His Wife?
Their is a misconception that the Qur'an instructs men to beat their wife. In the Quran, 38:44, Allah instructs Job to strike his wife with a bundle of thin grass. Simply quoting this one verse without the context is an act of ignorance.
T. Al-Qurtubi, Vol. 15, p. 212
During the ailment of Job, his wife used to
beg for him and Satan told her a word of disbelief to say and she told her
husband (Job), so he became angry with her and took an oath to strike her
one hundred lashes. So Allah ordered Job to fulfil his oath by striking her
with the bundle of thin grass.
Prophet Ayûb (Job)
was informed how to beat his wife in this particular instance,
in a way such that he would not harm her, yet still fulfill his misguided
oath:
The Noble Qur'an - Sâd 38:44
[To Job]: And take in your hand a bundle of
thin grass and strike therewith (your wife),...
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-
The Noble Qur'an - Al-Baqarah
2:224
And make not Allâh's (Name) an excuse
in your oaths against your doing good and acting piously, and making peace
among mankind. And Allâh is All-Hearer, All-Knower (i.e. do not swear
much and if you have sworn against doing something good then give an expiation
for the oath and do good).
Allah did
not permit him to harm his wife, but gave him an order to fulfill his
oath in a way that would not harm or abuse her. The order to strike with
thin grass instead of anything harmful, is like ordering someone to be
beaten with a bundle of feathers. Using the Qur'an to justify physical
abuse is ridiculous.
-
Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi #276, Narrated Amr
ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami
Amr heard the Prophet (peace be upon him) say in his farewell address on
the eve of his Last Pilgrimage, after he had glorified and praised Allah,
he cautioned his followers: 'Listen! Treat women kindly;
they are like prisoners in your hands. Beyond this you do not owe anything
from them. Should they be guilty of flagrant misbehaviour, you may remove
them from your beds, and beat them but do not inflict upon them any severe
punishment. Then if they obey you, do not have recourse to anything
else against them. Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they
have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone
you dislike, to trample your bed and do not permit those whom you dislike
to enter your home. Their right is that you should treat them well in the
matter of food and clothing.
Unlike some non-Islamic societies,
Islam does not consider it abuse to gently strike someone in response to
flagrant disobedience to clear instructions. At most, such gentle beatings
cause embarassement and bring clarity as to the seriousness, in hopes to
repair and revitalize the relationship and guide the person back to Islam.
Although a wife or child can both be beaten (always lightly as mentioned
throughout this article), this does not in any way imply that wives are to
be treated as children, as the situations and conditions are entirely different.
The Noble Qur'an - An-Nisaa
4:34
...As to those women on whose part you see
illconduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds,
(and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience,
seek not against them means (of annoyance)....
-
-
Hadith - Dawud, Narrated
As-Saburah
[Also recorded by Ahmand and al-Hakim. Al-Syuti
has give in a notation signifying that it is authentic.
Al-Albani has graded it hasan. Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 2, p.
1021.]
The Prophet
said: Order your children to pray
at the age of seven. And beat them [lightly] if they do not do so by the
age of ten. And separate them in their bedding.
Men can also be beaten, and should
be in an Islamic government, for certain crimes such as public drunkeness,
by other men. These beatings are stronger than what is done in the home,
as they are in response to crimes in society.
-
Hadith - Al-Muwatta 28.27
Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Said ibn al-Musayyab
and from Sulayman ibn Yasar that Tulayha al-Asadiya was the wife of Rushayd
ath-Thaqafi. He divorced her, and she got married in her idda-period. Umar
ibn al-Khattab beat her and her husband with a stick several times, and separated
them. Then Umar ibn al-Khattab said, "If a woman marries in her idda-period,
and the new husband has not consummated the marriage, then separate them,
and when she has completed the idda of her first husband, the other becomes
a suitor. If he has consummated the marriage then separate them. Then she
must complete her idda from her first husband, and then the idda from the
other one, and they are never to be reunited."
-
-
Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari 2.391, Narrated
Abdullah bin Umar
He (Prophet Muhammad)
pointed to his tongue and added,
"The deceased is punished for the wailing of his relatives
over him." 'Umar used to beat with a stick and throw stones and put
dust over the faces (of those who used to wail over the dead).
-
-
Hadith - Bukhari 3:509, Narrated 'Uqba bin
Al-Harith
When An-Nuaman or his son was brought in a state of
drunkenness, Allah's Apostle
ordered all those who were present in the house to
beat him. I was one of those who beat him. We beat him with shoes and
palm-leaf stalks.
The permission from Allah swt
for beatings is conditional, in that it must be done according to
Qur'an and Sunnah and not according to ones nafs (lower
desires/ emotions/ irrationality).
Wife
Abuse
"The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent
behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best toward their wives."
(Tirmithi)
How can it be said that a man
is the protector of his wife, if he intentionally strikes, chokes, pushes
or is violent in any way that results in her physical injury or
bruising?
The Noble Qur'an - An-Nisaa
4:34
Men are the protectors and
maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to
excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.
Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to
their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allâh orders
them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to
those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first),
(next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it
is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means
(of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great.
The Prophet, saaws, advised one
Muslim woman, whose name was Fatimah bint Qais, not to marry a man because
the man was known for beating women:
Hadith -
Sahih Muslim
"I went to the Prophet and said: Abul Jahm and
Mu'awiah have proposed to marry me. The Prophet (by way of advice) said:
As to Mu'awiah he is very poor and Abul Jahm is accustomed to beating
women"
It is haram (prohbited) for a
man to ever strike the face of a Muslimah, for any reason, or to any degree.
This statement is not a support for abusing women in a way that may potentially
harm her, but a condementation of striking the face:
Hadith - Sunan of Abu Dawood, Narrated
by Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri
Mu'awiyah asked: Apostle of Allah, what is the
right of the wife of one of us over him? He replied:
That you should
give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not
strike her on the face, do not revile her or separate yourself from her
except in the house.
Verbal
Abuse
The word translated as "abuse"
that is frequently mentioned in the Sunnah, includes verbal abuse.
Hadith - Sunan of Abu Dawood, Narrated
by AbuJurayy Jabir ibn Salim al-Hujaymi
I saw a man whose opinion was accepted by the
people, and whatever he said they submitted to it. I asked: Who is he? They
said: This is the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him). I said: On you be
peace, Apostle of Allah, twice. He said: Do not say
"On you be peace," for "On you be peace" is a greeting for the dead, but
say "Peace be upon you". I asked: You are the Apostle of Allah (may
peace be upon you)? He said: I am the Apostle of Allah
Whom you call when a calamity befalls you and He removes it; when you suffer
from drought and you call Him, He grows food for you; and when you are in
a desolate land or in a desert and your she-camel strays and you call Him,
He returns it to you. I said: Give me some advice. He (saaws) said:
Do not abuse anyone. He (saaws) said
that he did not abuse a freeman, or a slave, or a camel or a sheep thenceforth.
The Noble Qur'an - AlAhzab
33:58
And those who annoy believing men and women
undeservedly, bear on themselves the crime of slander and plain sin.
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #313,
Ahmad, Ibn Hibban, and Hakim
... 'Abd Allah reported that the Prophet of
Allah, upon him be peace, said,
"A believer
is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, obscene, or
course."
Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi
“A believer is never a person who scoffs
at others, calls them names, or utters vulgar and obscene
phrases”
Tafsir Ibn
Kathir, Surah An-Nisa
(Imam Ibn Kathir is the leading commentator on the Qur'an)
Allah ordered the wife to obey her husband and prohibited her from disobeying
him, because of the enormity of his rights and all that he does for her.
The Messenger of Allah said,
"If I were to command anyone to prostrate before anyone,
I would have commanded the wife to prostrate before her husband, because
of the enormity of his right upon her."
Al-Bukhari recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah said,
"If the man asks his wife to come to his bed and she
declines, the angels will keep cursing her until the morning."
Muslim recorded it with the wording,
"If the wife goes to sleep while ignoring her husband's
bed, the angels will keep cursing her until the morning."
This is why Allah said,
"As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct,
admonish them (first)".
Allah's statement,
"abandon them in their beds,"
`Ali bin Abi Talhah reported that Ibn `Abbas said "The abandonment refers
to not having intercourse with her, to lie on her bed with his back to her.''
Several others said similarly. As-Suddi, Ad-Dahhak, `Ikrimah, and Ibn `Abbas,
in another narration, added, "Not to speak with her or talk to her.'' The
Sunan and Musnad compilers recorded that Mu`awiyah bin Haydah Al-Qushayri
said, "O Allah's Messenger! What is the right that the wife of one of us
has on him''
The Prophet said,
"To feed her when you eat, cloth her when you buy clothes
for yourself, refrain from striking her face or cursing her, and to not abandon
her, except in the house."
Allah's statement,
"beat them"
means, if advice and ignoring her in the bed do not produce the desired results,
you are allowed to discipline the wife, without severe beating. Muslim recorded
that Jabir said that during the Farewell Hajj, the Prophet said;
"Fear Allah regarding women, for they are your assistants.
You have the right on them that they do not allow any person whom you dislike
to step on your mat. However, if they do that, you are allowed to discipline
them lightly. They have a right on you that you provide them with their provision
and clothes, in a reasonable manner."
Ibn `Abbas and several others said that the Ayah refers to a beating that
is not violent. Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that it means, a beating that is not
severe.
Punishment
for the Abuser
If, for instance, a man hits
the woman and causes bruises or broken bones, the punishment may be that
the same or similar may be done in return.
The Noble Qur'an - 3:126
And if you punish (your enemy, O you believers
in the Oneness of Allâh), then punish them with the like of that with
which you were afflicted. But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better
for As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.).
-
The retribution for abuse should
not exceed the original abuse.
-
Hadith - Sahih Muslim
"If two people abuse each other, the fault lies upon the one who began the
abuse unless the wronged one transgresses."
More Rewards
for No Violence
Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari 4.255, Narrated
Abu Burdas father
The Prophet (saaws) said,
"Three persons
will get their reward twice. (One is) a person who has a slave girl and he
educates her properly and teaches her good manners properly (without violence)
and then manumits and marries her. Such a person will get a double reward.
(Another is) a believer from the people of the scriptures who has been a
true believer and then he believes in the Prophet (Muhammad). Such a person
will get a double reward. (The third is) a slave
who observes Allah's rights and obligations and is sincere to his
master."
Action Items
for the
uttaqun:
-
Follow the best example,
that is of the Prophet Muhammad (saaws), who never struck his
wives.
-
"The Prophet never beat any of his wives or servants; in fact, he did not
strike any living being with his hand except in the cause of Allah or when
the prohibitions of Allah had been violated, and he retaliated on behalf
of Allah." (An-Nasaa'i)
-
If you are suffering
from abuse, contact a Sheikh (Islamic scholar who is well-versed in
Qur'anic Arabic and the study of Qur'an and Sunnah) for
guidance.
-
Aspire to the engagement
of an Islamic state in which Quran and Sunnah is the law of the land, in
which fair trials are held in accordance with Islam, where crimes such as
abuse are properly punished, and crimes such as public drunkedness can be
punished with a beating with something such as palm leaves
.
-
When living in a non-Islamic state, do not invoke the punishment of beating
for crimes (such as against abusers) without the criminal's willingness to
accept the Islamic punishment by Muslims.
-
If you have abused or otherwise broken Islamic law, submit (this is the meaning
of "Islam" - to submit) to an Islamic shariah court and to its ruling for
Islamic punishment for the crime.
-
Never turn Muslims over to a non-Islamic state (such as to report abuse)
unless at the particular moment you have a serious threat to your wellbeing
and no Muslims are available to help you; it is permissible to call the local
police as a means to avoid the greater sin of allowing yourself or others
to be seriously physically harmed. Once the abuse has taken place, remove
oneself from the abusive environment instead of reporting a Muslim to a
non-Muslim police force and court system. One should naturally avoid engaging
in any activity that is considered illegal activity wherever he lives, while
at the same time not compromising his deen (way of life) of Islam.
If his environment does not allow him to practice the fundamental requirements
of his religion, he should make hijrah.
Remember... Allah, subhana watala,
sees everything we do!
