Ok everyone this is upsetting me alot and i need to tell someone else about this. I have known this girl for the past 4 months and weve become really great friends and also weve fallen for each other. We are really in love. But the problem is im not muslim at the moment and she is married. I am reading the quran and am researching on islam and i am seriuosly thinking about converting to islam. She has told me from the start that she did not want to marry this man and that her parents sort of pushed her into it. Shes also told me that hes abusive towards her and that in pakistan he raped her and kept her down, he sounds a real control freak. Shes been really upset about this and i know she doesnt want to be with him. She then went on to to tell me that he said he was only marrying her for the visa to get over here and he didnt buy her any presents when he arrived. Shes been worried sick about his arrival over here and now he has arrived hes exercising his sick control freak behaviour over her. Theyve recently moved into a house together and shes told me in her latest email that he can be so nice sometimes, but most of the time he makes her feel suicidal and depressed,and she feels she cant leave him cause hed threaten to kill himself and hes always saying he loves her so much. To me he sounds totally unbalanced and im seriously worried for her safety. In her latest email to me she also said that hed locked her in their house and hid the keys to prevent her from going to work, and now shes not been at work for 3 days and im worried sick about her. Recently she rang me to say that she loved him and she was staying with him-he was there with her i could hear him telling her what to say in the backround-, which i know isnt true considering everything hes put her through. I love her with all my heart and she loves me too shes told me numerous times she does, but i feel that because she feels so suicidal and depressed she cant find the inner strength to leave him and hes got her exactly where he wants her, stuck at home cut off from all her friends at work, with no money cause hes stopped her from working, and cut off from me. He's exhibiting complete control freak behaviour and i fear that its gonna get worse and i am so worried about her. She has to leave him doesnt she. I suppose everyone will agree with that, but when i tell her you have to leave him, she says no that it will work out and she wants to please his parents. Shes told me herself that she doesnt love him. Shes suffering and trapped. What can i do? I need to get her away from him. Should i let my boss know at work so she can help me out so ive got backup on this? Should i go over to their house with my boss from work and confront her husband? Should i call the police? Is the way hes treating her grounds for divorce? Im sure it is. Ive got to do something to get her away from him. I love her so much and i cant stand to see her in this abusive relationship. I know that her husband is far from a good person let alone a good muslim. Please let me know what you think.

I'm no expert on this topic but i'd agree that if it is indeed true that her husband is controlling, abusive, and neglectful, she has every right to divorce him. I hope there are no children involved in this situation. If you are 100% sure that she is being abused or is in danger, then yes i'd seek help from a third party as it may be difficult for you to deal with it on ur own. Also it's important for HER to realize what's best for her..It's crazy to stay with an abusive spouse merely to appease one's parents. I'm positive that if her parents have any humanity they will understand her desire to file for divorce..She sounds like she needs some professional help..encourage her to get some..There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a therapist and if she's been traumatized..it could do her a world of good. Be really careful with what you do. It's nice to know that you have an interest in Islam..If you do ultimately choose to convert I hope it's for the beauty and truth of the religion too.
I don't know where you live but there are mosques all over and i'm sure she knows where to find one. What i'd recommend is that you, your boss, and this girl go see the "Imam" (priest) at the local mosque and seek his advice and help. He'll be able to advise her about her rights as a muslim woman and wife. If he is truly a good imam, she can trust in him and even have him help her deal with her parents. She should never have married someone she wasn't comfortable with in the first place. Islamically speaking, a woman can never be forced to marry someone against her will. It's sad that it had to happen to her..
Be realistic and practical. You sound like you care a great deal for her and in that case you're probably willing to do whatever it takes to help her.
Again i'd like to remind you that i'm not anywhere near an expert on this subject..I just happened to read your message and felt compelled to write back. I wish you the best of luck..May God help you in your endeavors and may everything work out for the best in the end. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for your useful info and support ayla, youve been a real help, but i hope im able to get her away from her husband so she can see an Imam. You see, from what she's told me, it doesnt look like hes gonna let her go anywhere alone; locking her in the house and hiding the keys means he wants to keep her there under his control. Maybe the answer would be to bring the imam with me and some other third party either to her parents house or their house? Obviously she needs to talk to the imam with me so he can tell her that she can file for divorce from this sick unbalanced man. The frame of mind that shes in at the moment is that shes so depressed and lacking in confidence that i dont think she would have the willpower to do it by herself, and of course shes constantly telling herself that itll be ok and itll work out when of course, it wont. She's thinking like an abused wife thinks and that worries me. I hope the Imam will be able to talk sense into her and give her the strength to leave him. I also think i should let as many people know as possible that i trust about this because then shell gain strength from knowing shes not isolated, knowing that shes got friends and people who care for her. Also the more people that know means that her husband will not be able to isolate her as easily, after all he is ultimately a coward, only doing this behind closed doors. Do you think it would be a good idea to let other people know that i trust? Let me know Ayla, and once again i thankyou for your advice, im posting on alot of sites to get a consensus of opinion on this, but i think everyone would agree she must leave him. Im going to start taking action on this next week. May Allah watch over her and keep her from harm until i can get her away from this man. If you know of an imam who i could email, id be grateful, although im going to locate my local imam.

I am also no expert on this topic but what i can share with you is this.. my mother was in an abusive marriage for 20 years. My mother has suffered psychologically, emotionally and psycially. No one deserves to be treated this way. I have watched my mothers beautiful heart overwhelmed with pain for so long. All praise is due to God as she is now starting to live again and i know the smile on her face now is a real smile. Your situation is a very difficult one. Women who are in an abusive marriage for a long period can often adopt the frame of mind that if they stay with there husband things will improve this is in most cases not true and she has already expressed signs of this frame of mind. I agree with Ayla you should find your local Imam and seek advice, this would be a starting point for her to see her options and to realise she is not so isolated. I also feel your contact with her is very important in reinforcing the fact that she does not deserve to live this way. You need to be very careful in this situation but it is obviously something you cannot watch take place before your very eyes. You sound like you care for her deeply and i wish that other women in this situation have such a person in their life so they have a chance to stop their suffering. May Allah guide you through this trying time. Best of luck.

Chris..i am so sorry I didn't reply until now..i rarely check this site and this is the first time i've seen it since writing that message. Your plan sounds good to me..I hope the Imam in your area is a strong, kind, and helpful one because it will no doubt take a lot to help this girl. I admire your own courage in this matter and will pray that things work out for you both. All I can think of is to tell you to get her out of that house and take her somewhere else, to a friend's house, to a shelter..someplace she will feel safe and protected.
If this guy is as you describe, I don't think he'll just sit around and complacently watch his wife leave him..You know this, of course, and it therefore is a good idea to have someone with you besides the imam..someone you trust..perhaps someone who can help out should things get ugly.
You said that you were going to go ahead with your plan and i'm sorry, i realize this response is rather late..but please do keep us posted on your progress and if you need any help or encouragement. May God bless you both and help you through this struggle.

ASalamualikum chris, hm maybe u should contact the imam at this site and see what he thinks, http://www.islam.tc. but i think its a really good idea to contact an imam. hm since its now march and u last posted on october, whats happened since then? okay i hope everything works out well inshAllah, make dua inshAllah wasalaam, fi Aman Allah.