Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
As Salamu Aliekum Warahmatullahi Rabarakatu
All Praise is due to Allah, we praise Him, and seek His help and forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah, Most High, from the evils of our own selves and from our wicked deeds. Whosoever has been guided by Allah, none can misguide him, and whoever has been misguided by Allah, none can guide him. I bear witness that there is no true god worthy of being worshipped except Allah,
alone, without partner or associate. I further bear witness the Muhammad (SAW) is His true slave and Messenger. May Allah, the Exalted, bestow His peace and blessing on the final Prophet Muhammad, upon his good and pure family, and upon all of his noble companions.
O you who believe! Fear Allah (by doing all that He ordered and abstaining from all that He forbade) as He should be feared, and
die not except in a state of Islam (As Muslims with complete submission to Allah) . (Qur�aan 3:102)
O mankind! Be dutiful to your Rabb (Allaah), Who created you from a single soul (Adam) and from him (Adam) He created his wife, and from them both He created many men and women, and fear
Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual rights and don�t cut the relations of the wombs (Kinship). Surely, Allaah is ever an
All-Watcher over you. (Qur�aan 4:1)
O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allaah and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth, He will direct you to righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allaah
and His Messenger, he has indeed achieved a great
success. (Qur�aan 33:70-71)
The most truthful speech is that of Allaah�s Book (the Qur�aan)
and the finest of guidance is that of Muhammad (SAW). The worst of evils are innovations (foreign to the true teachings of Islaam), and every innovated matter (in religion) is a Bid�ah,
and every Bid�ah is a Dalaalah (stray path, misguidance), and
every Dalaalah is in the Fire of Hell. (Khutbatul Haajah)

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

The condition of the Muslim Family today is appalling. We have more that 60% of our marriages ending in divorce, many children being raised by the mother or a man who is not the father. Then
there is the other category of woman who has been unable to find a husband for one reason or another. What does this have to do with polygyny? Most of women getting married for the first time
exclude the possibility of being the second or third wife of an Islamic Qualified and financially stable brother. So from my
experiences, I have found that many women have chosen for a mate a man who not the best of the potential candidates but he was single. Subsequently, the fact that the she was the mans only wife was not enough to make the marriage work and the wife and the kids were divorced. I did mean to say that the kids were divorced because in many cases the father must be cut-off from seeing them for some reason or the lady denies him the right to see them because he is not fulfilling his financial responsibilities. Most of the divorced women are now more
willing to consider the man with more that one wife because all of a sudden being the only wife is not as important as being a wife in a stable relationship with a good Muslim man. Not to say
that this is the case of all divorced women, but that lady who has been married 4 or five times looks to the man with 2 wives and he has been married to them for 7 and 14 years and they are
the only husband that they have ever had,she has to think about what's more important. So I am advocating that Muslim women and the Muslim fathers or brothers seek out the best and most
suitable man regardless if he is already married. Married in Islam means a man has 4 wives. Marrying our good Muslim brothers
to our good Muslim sisters without excluding the possibility of be 1 of 2, 1 of 3 or 1 of 4 will help to establish more stable and lasting marriages. Again this is not a type of relationship for everyone but the Muslims should begin to give it more serious consideration. Every Muslim man is not able to handle
this, but there are some who can. Every Muslim lady can't handle this type of marriage but many need to. Believe it or not there is Zina among the Muslims most of the participants have been
married men and unmarried Muslim women. Are the Muslim men so weak that if they need another woman that they don't make sure that that women is his wife. Are the Muslim ladies so weak that
rather that marry a man with another wife that she resorts to Zina. About my perspective and me. I was a Muslim who wanted another wife and I married another Muslimah. My first wife was
unhappy at first, which is normal, but is ok with it now. I have been married to one wife for 13 Years and the other for 6 Years. I have 7 soon to be nine children Inshallah. We are from the
NY/NJ area. We have watched marriages of the people who had negative opinions about us crumble and al Humdulillah we are still going strong. It is well known to my wives that I intend to take a third wife and they understand that to be 1 of my 3 is better that being the only 1 of someone else or 1 of none.

As Salaamu Aliekum

AsSalaamu Alaykum

So true, but failed marriages and zina are merely the results of submission to Shaytaan, as opposed to Allah. Any sister or brother, regardless of his/her marital status, could be led astray.
Increased taqwa and 'ilm-addeen are what are required to prevent zina, as well as failed marriages, of any sort.

And may Allah protect and bless you and your partners in marriage.

Assalaamu A'laykumm

You are Totally Wrong..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are just Looking for an excuse to Be married to More than 1 woman.. for your OWN wellBeing..!!!! You tell us to Fear ALLAH? Well,

WE ALL FEAR ALLAH !!

And I really think YOU are the one WHO DOESN"T!!!

Since As i said.. you are just looking to ful fill your desires of getting more Women...


I know you must be saying, Well Thats what our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) did...

Well yea, but DO YOU have that KNOWLEGDE or even Simple COMMON SENSE? I guess NOT!!!

So Learn from me..!!

He did it Because, It was an Era where the Women were being tortured, and Sold by people, they had NO respect No one who could help them.. since there was only few muslims then.. and all the Kaffeers were Doing all the Wrong dids to The Women... Thus.. To save them, Our Prophet told his men, that its Jaez.. To marry the Helpless women.. JUST FOR THEIR SAKE!!!!!! NOT YOURS!!!!

I guess you get the Point..
So next time.. Stop being a Male Chauvinist.. and GET THE FACTS!!

I believe you are mistaken - re: 7th Oct post.

Do you really expect anyone to learn Islam from a 'nobody'.

Well I Will Call you a Male Chauvinist AGAIN...

Or Perhaps a "PLEASURE seeker"

Since You are Taking advantage of something that was a GREAT deed of our Prophet..

Since(I see I have to say it again).... HE MARRIED THOSE WOMEN SINCE THEY WERE BEING TORTURED... and HIMULIATED.. AND KILLED.. SINCE THEY HAD NO EDUCATION!!!

But now.. Why do you expect a woman to be SUB HUman? aRE YOU A TALIBAN... I GUESS SO.

Answer me first..

Why do you think Muhammad(PBUH) Married 13 times..?

My answer is.. TO SAAAAVE THEM!!!!

Not for his own good.

And he told other to marry 4 times for that reason also.. BUT I SEE YOU ARE LOOKING AT IT DEFFERENTLY!!

Oh another thing..
Offcourse you have to learn from me.. The Hadith.. PLUS .. the spelling of the Word.. "POLYGAMY"

So i DO expect you to learn.... From me..

Keep on dreaming, you are the one who is following their own desires.

If you are a Muslim, you should repent to Allah from these evil statements.

You would be a good supermarket worker - you are very good at labelling people so you should be OK with cans of food. Or maybe not, as you have labelled people incorrectly.

By the way, it was a rhetorical question. No one in their right mind will learn from you.

Assalaamu Alaykum, wa rahmatullah hi wa barakatuhu

My fellow anonymous brother and Sister. Why hiding behind the label Anonymous?

I am a Muslim Brother I am talking to the brother who wrote on Oct 12th.

With all due respect brother, you are interpreting it wrong.

Rule that was made for that time
I don't think you know why it was made.

Our Beloved Prophet and his Followers went to Jihad, and Many died.

In order to save their widows they married that many times. Because (as the person in Oct 7th post said) They had no education, or respect.

Your Prophet is the Kindest man!! He made the rule to save the Women. You have to remember that.
But if you think it was for you, I think you should repent to Allah. Since, Selfishness is one of the Biggest sin.

Now if you look at this way. Its good, you can marry many times, if you are to marry the widows or helpless women(as sister or brother in the post in october 7th said, but she/he was quite harsh I have to say)
But will you?

Wallahu A'lim

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Allah The Most High has said:

"Whoever obeys the Messenger, has obeyed Allah."(4:80)

"Whatever the Messenger gives you, then take it and whatever he prohibits you, then stay away from it."(59:7)

"Today I have completed for you your Religion and perfected My Favour upon you, and have chosen Islaam as your Religion(Deen)."(5:3)


The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa salaam) said:

"O people, I have left amongst you that which if you cling onto you will never go astray; The Book of Allah and my Sunnah." al-Haakim.

"To proceed; Indeed the best speech is the book of Allah and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad, and the worst of affairs are the newly invented matters, and every innovation is misguidance." Muslim.


You are not the first person (you won't be the last either) to use the 'That was then, This is now' argument. It has no basis in Islam and is not the belief of those who follow the Quran and Sunnah.

How can we claim to follow Islam if we make the halal, haram and the haram, halal?
How can we claim to be of those who submit their will to the Will of Allah if we dislike that which Allah and His Messenger(SAW) has prescribed?
How can we claim to follow the Messenger(SAW) while we are following our desires?

The Book of Allah and the Sunnah of Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa salaam) is clear and precise. The Deen of Islam has been completed and it is perfect. It has been prescribed for the whole of mankind from the time of the Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa salaam) until the Last Day.

A Muslim is one who accepts the deen of Islam totally, without dispute or dislike of its rules and regulations, without adding or subtracting anything to it. The deen of Islam is based upon knowledge with its proofs. It is for this reason that there will not cease to be a group of people who will remain steadfast upon the straight path. So those who oppose the correct path are only fooling themselves and have no proof for what they do. This applies to any aspect of Islam.


I sincerely hope you can bring yourself to accept the truth.


Amin (if thats your real name) you are incorrect.

Allah says:
"Were you to obey most of those on earth, they will mislead you far away from Allah's Path. They follow nothing but conjectures, they do nothing but lie."(6:116)

"Say:'Produce your proof if you are truthful'."(2:111)

'A' and yourself(Amin) do not bring any proof for what you say. I know with certainty there is no proof for what you say.

The Messenger(SAW) did not 'make this rule' or any other rule. A muslim will never say such a thing. Allah says regarding him(SAW):
"Nor does he speak of his own desire. It is only an Inspiration that is inspired."(53:3-4).

And Allah ordered his Messenger(SAW) to say:
"I but follow what is revealed to me by inspiration."(6:50).


So contemplate this, as Allah says:
"And (remember) the Day when the Zalim (wrong-doer, polytheist etc..) will bite his hands, he will say: 'Oh! If only I would have been following the path of the Messenger'."

Alhamdulillah.

Anonymous you are crazy!And i think you are marrying just to satisfy your lust!

Assalaamu Alaikum.........

I am writing requesting sincere help. Don't waste your time responding to me if you believe polygamy or any other Sunnah of Rasulullah saw is "outdated", or if you are going into that whole Muslim man bashing scene.............save it. I'm not the sister you need to be talking to. That being said, I could really use some sincere naseehah from those who can come correct. I LOVE my husband... no I don't think you get it... I LOVE HIM... mashAllah our relationship has done well in the past and is going okay for now alhamdulillah. I have always known that my husband prefers and desires to have a second wife. My problem is I have been going through an emotional roller coaster while he considers this one and that one.... alhamdulillah he wants to make the best choice for all of us..... but there are certains things involved in the search that have seriously incited my jealous side. Lately I feel that some of the ruder comments I've gotten about my cooking, or weight, appearance etc. have been because no matter how much I try... I am not HER... Whoever the HER of the moment may be. MashAllah don't get me wrong... Allah has granted me a wonderful husband, and I go the long haul to be a good wife....... and I am by no means a tack head, or a slacker in the kitchen. I just feel that no matter how good I am he is comparing me to someone else......... that wouldn't be sooo bad if there weren't soooo many someone elses out there. Some of these women are like wolves... astaghfirullah .... the tactics would scare ya!!!!LOL... any way I usually can keep a could grip on the emotions but lately it has been more than difficult.............. my emaan is at a low and I am fighting depression. I feel that I am letting this bug me way too much.... I mean there are other things to be concerned with.... come Yauma Qiyamma I won't be thinking of him, her , you or anyone else......... but I can't seem to get my focus on and get over it. I'm slipping and I am just looking for kind words... more or less telling me what I already know.......... but coming from a fellow believer sometimes is what I need. Please remember family in your duas.


Holding on to Hot Coals

BISMILLAH AR-RAHMAN AR-RAHIM
As-Salaamu Alaikum
My dear sister from feb.8(holding on to hot coals)

I totally feel where your coming from and when I read your post it just reminded me that I'm not alone. I was born into a polygamous family right hear in the USA 30 years ago. So people would assume that it would be a natuaral situation for me to deal with it is'nt. My father used his wives not only for sex but as escapes from the others and as dates because he wanted to escape the ones with to many little children(his children).
I married my husband and get this one week after he married his first wife....I was married before and had children from that marriage . There is a history between me and my current husband that took place before he met his first wife and he contacted me before he married her and told me he still wanted me...now I didn't want to be in a polygamous marriage.....but I did istikara about whether I should marry him....I also spoke to the first wife before they married and suggested she do the same, I don't think she did.
Needless to say thier marriage lasted all of maybe three months....I don't know all that happened but I do know that me and her were very unhappy and probably trying our best not to show it. It affected both of our sense of self-esteem...and for me it has made me not trust my husband and his feelings for one...what does he mean when he says 'I love you' there always a yeah right in the back of my mind. even now that the sister annuled thier marriage. My husband is very secretive and I feel that he probably still is trying to find another wife....but wont share that with me because I'll get emotional or threten to leave and we just had a baby...and haven't been married a year yet.
I recently wrote a leter to his ex and apologized for any hurt she suffered because I know our situations weren't equal she lived in another state so did I but I quit my job and moved 2weeks after we got married where as her job required she stay until the summer and so he had a long distance marriade with her and ocassionally he would fly up to see her or she would come down.
And I never hurt so bad in my life when he went to see her and I started to think I needed to leave.and then I found out I was pregnant and I already knew how hard single parenthood is.
So then I had to think about my children and the fact that my husband is a pretty decent father to them and he was providing for us within his means..so would it be better for my children and my unborn child at that time if I just got up and left....I didn't think so.
Even though I am currently my husbands only wife...to my knowledge. I find myself questioning his reasons for marrying me to the point of obsession and depression....Mashallah physically I'm considered an attractive woman,but above that I believe I am a good Muslim and talented too andwas very independant...making my own money taking care of my children from my previous marriage sending them to Islamic school....needless to say I had my share of marriage proposals. When my husband married me I thought he cared about me but now I feel that he had a plan to have more than one wife and it included marrying both around the same time to prevent jealousy and thinking in terms of first and second...so he just met women he liked and the other sister was never married before and didn't have children and i am the charity case or thats how i've begun to feel when i think of why he married me....charity case in terms of helping out a single mother....i've heard alot of the reasons why polygamy is good for our society and i don't disute that...but it hurts me every time I think that those where my husbands reasons for marrying me...I've asked him before and all he would say is that it's our religion thats his reason...whats that!...before when he was courting me for lack fo a better word...i felt like any couple we had a mutual attraction we had simular interest or beliefs and wanted to be then when he brings up marrying someone else I wonder what is it other than another sexual partner that he cant get from one wife.....well he will never qualify his personnal reasons I'll just get a list of the reasons it's a good thing and one is to help single mothers....and since I meet that criteria I feel this is the reason he married me and it hurts really bad....I think I would have liked to know up front a mans real reasons because if he had said anyhing close to I see you need help raising your children or I'd like to take you as a sexond wife to help you out I would have kindly refused.
sister I have ranted about myself and what I wanted to say to you is that I understand the obsessive part of this type of marriage and how it can seriously affect your deen....and I think that you probably need to discuss it with your husband. He should be very considerate of your feelings and how his search is hurting you and hin talking or making comparisons is cruel....
how would he like it if you were constantly comparing him to other men or another man.
Sometimes men can be so insensitive to womens feelings, to the point that he can be turning his present wife into a resentful enemy.
I remember my father use to tell my mother about the angels would curse her if he went to bed displeased with her and I know that some if not most of her actions were a result of his lack of sensitivity to his wives... I remember being told tha twomen would be in hell because they where ungrateful to thier husbands....I remember telling my mother that if she couldn't get over the resentment she felt it would be better for her own deen if she divorced my dad because why stay around and be meserable and resentful and risk going to hell. I fear that if our marriages because our husbands chose to remarry become places where regardless of what he does we are obsessive(can't focus on our deen) and jealous and resentful...we aren't very likely going to be grateful and so why risk hell to stay in that situation. I think you should really in a calm way that he can really hear you tell your husband how his behavior is affecting you. I also think you should try to focus in remembering Allah instead of all the other Hers and get involved in things that will reaffirm you and make you feel good about yourself. I will make Dua for you and your family.

sincerely
second choice