Assalamu Alaikum!

I've never actually met a sister who was involved in a polygynous marriage, and I'm wondering how would someone go about it.

What is a wedding like? How are finances handled, like if the husband is supposed to spend equally what does he do if he has more children in one house than another? Have you found it more practical to live farther away from the another co-wife or closer? How do you handle it if your husband is forgetful? Are there any books that can help me to better understand how polygyny is practiced?

Please excuse my questions if they seem naive, but I am unaware of how things are done, and I would like to know.

Ma'a Salaama
Razaan

I know of polygynous marriages - in the West. But I do not know if the husband was always able to practice "justice" between his 2 wives.

I also heard about difficulties between the two wives, at least in the beginning. But I know of even worse controversies in similar constellations in the West where women have become eternal enemies with no chance of ever becoming sisters, and one at least becoming definitely the looser.

Anyway, I think one problem is that according to some Islamic view, the husband is not obliged to tell his first wife about his intention of marrying a second - so how could both wives compare in terms of "justice" (at least materially) - in other words, how could this Islamic prerequisite of justice be evidenced in practice?

On the other hand, there are some Islamic states where it is commonly practiced - but, even there, when could a wife resort to court if she is not treated equitably? I don't know if this is even part of the present-day Islamic legislation.

Another problem, in my view: The validity of the wedding (second of course unvalid according to Western laws). One should be very sure that the husband is really committed to Islam - but where is the criterion, to be sure? Otherwise, who knows if, at some point, the husband will "divorce" which will not cost him anything (according to Western law, he is not even married to her!).

aight sistas....salams,
ya'll need ta get up off da brothas...on da real. Now i know us bein' americans got some objections to a brotha strutin wit 2,3, or 4 sistas...but its halal so don't hate. Personally i know at least 5 brothas wit 2 and 3 wives (don't know any with four) that have excellent multiple marriges goin on. It can be done, jus gotta be done right...most of dese brothas is pullin' d**n near 6 figures a year. It also takes a strong person emotionally...but it is possible. I'm close freinds wit da children from these marraiges and some of the husbands...i don't know the sistas in the marriagges all dat well but my moms and my sister do...and they don't seem to have any complaints. As for ya ?s...the wedding is the same as any other Islamic wedding...mutiple children are handled da same, cause its not jus da time with the children but also with the wives (who are to be treated equally)...if you ain't da jealous type its much more practical to live near each other (but not too close, like in da same block radius)...if your husbands forgetful cut him a lil slack, he doin twice da work of most brothas and contributin' twice as much to da community.
Hope i helped, hoped my diction is readable, hope your succesful in ya marriage, and i hope i can find me a lil cute muslimah in a few years...lol,
Salams,

SaLaH: da Imperial

...a brotha strutin wit 2,3, or 4 sistas...

Yeah, your diction is readable, all right, and I am not impressed with it, or with your attitude. I don't know what you think a marriage is, but I can tell you what it isn't: it isn't a man acting like a pimp and showing off his stable to the 'hood.

Salams,
I know of a number of Poligymous marriages in the west. The truth is that it ain't easy. The brother must be strong and very concious of his relationships. It's not compatible with every man. So men need to understand that. Women on the other hand will find it easy if not for all the distraction and the politically incorrect dogma been fed into their heads. Also if a sister doesn't understand what life is about and sees things as a strugle to win, then it's gona collapse and someone is gona loose. The brother must be wise enough to realize if he's up to it. It's very draining. He'l find that out soon enough. We just hope a sister won't be burnt, or a family broken in the process of him finding out. The community should have wise enough men to help and counsel. Jealous sisters will suffer. Satisfied ones, who knows her value and that her man is OK, won't be threatened. A new sister to the game must talk to the 1st and find out what type she is. Also the rules must be dictated mostly by the brother. He's really gona take all the load. Is he up to it? In nowadays men ... Yeek! Honestly. I have a husband who is solid gold. I hated it and fought for sometime. Finally (in 3 years) I saw that it's the only way I can keep my marriage and my man. I realized I'm making it a big deal. It's not threatening. The other sister is fine. She wants to live. She can't thank me enough for offering the opportunity of having her own family and a good man stand by her in her middle age years. We actually all win. Equality? I told my husband to fear Allah and monitor himself. I won't audit him or put any pressure on him. He's complying with Allah's obligations to pray 5 times a day without any auditor. This is another obligation he chose to place upon himself. If he defaults .. it's my gain in the hereafter. He better be careful. Iman is a major factor in the whole thing. If Iman is missing, you can kiss your family and your life goodbye.

Yes sure a man can have 2..3..4.. wives if all the wives agree,
But than they say a man should consult his first wife after hes found a new partner,
In that case is'nt he commiting adultery under the Islamic law.???

I recently got 2nd Nikkah (marriage). My first wife and my daughters are very upset and my 1st wife has filed for divorce. I have 2 childern with my 2nd wife. Is there any one who can convince my 1st wife that Islamically she should not ask for the divorce and don't let my daughters away from me. I still wanted to maintain both families as Allah allowed me to do so. I need your help. Please send me E mail at [email protected]

Thanks

Bismillah

AS

I am contemplating marriage to a sister that is Muslim(in-sha-Allah). She is divorced with two children. I have never been married and do not have any children. We were fine up until the marriage contract. She says she will not accept being a co-wife. Also, she wants a monthly allowance, ownership of my home, rights to my finances, she does not want to work, I have to care for her two children(their does not help at all), and also wants to includes various divorce scenarios in our contract that benefit her. Not to mention she wants a state issued marriage license, so she can take me to court should we reach an impasse. Should I proceed?

AS

Salaam Alaikum brother Nur

Brother this sister is not marrying you to please Allah (swt) and her religion. First, all the sister seems very ungrateful, how many brothers would marry a sister who already has children and he has none. It's not permissable for a muslim women to put in her contract that her husband can't take another wife that is a right given to the man by our lord Allah (swt) and no one can take that right from the man. Some scholars say that it is wajib to practice polygamy because the prophet (saaw) said that his umma should out number all the other prophets on the day of resurrection (something like this). She may put in her contract that she be allowed to seek a divorce and be granted one if he does take another wife and she feels she can't be partial to the situtation, meaning that she can't keep within her covenant to her husband and give him his rights or may cause fitnah towards the other sister as well as create conflict (fitnah) within her own marriage. Second you wife can only take what it permissable to take within the guidelines outlined in Islaam. She is not entitle to your possession that you had before the nikah. She isn't entitle to anything beyond the maintenance that you most give her during her iddah period (which is three months)if for any reason you have to divorce. Anything that you give her doing the marriage is hers to take (clothes, material possessions). If you purchase a house and give it to her for her dowry, it's not permissable for you to take the property back or force her to move out of it. Also, if she initiates a divorce by asking for a Kula(a divorce granted by the husband to his wife upon her initiation/request) and it's not for a reasonable reason she must return the dowry that was given to her. There are different types of divorce, please educate yourself for your own information on how there perform and what the rights are for each party involved. As for her children you can't bequate (will) anything to them after your deceased because they are not your legal heirs born to you and your wife or from a previous marriage between you and another muslim sister. You don't have to provide for her children that is the responsibility of their biological father. She should seek support from him within the state child support enforcement agency. Unless you don't mind being the sole provider for her children. Now of course if your living in the home and you buy the food and pay the bills you would be less of a man and say the sisters children can't eat, thats absurd. Just like to mention that you'll received barakats (blessings for helping the sister financial and in raising her children) Saddaqah is wajib for all muslim what better way to observe the requirements of charity. It is your responsibility since the children are under your guardianship by way of nikah to their mother, you should make sure that they are exposed to and observed islamic rules in your house. As far as getting a state license it's not permissable unless it's for detrimental reasons and the benefitial reason outways the harm. As muslim we are under obligation to follow the Phophet (saaw) sunnah ways in all things. By marrying her and obtaining a state license that would surely give the state the intersection to grant her several things that is haram for her to ask for under Islamic law. In the event you do marry her and have to divorce she most likely based on your post go through the the kufar (nonbelievers) to get those things that you may not sign away to her.

Please Please do some reading in reference to the figh of marriage and divorce in Islaam. Also consult knowledgeable brothers or the Imam of your community if you know the brothers or the Imam is on the right path. Before you do damage to yourself that could cause you grave harm.

Perhaps you might want to marry a sister who is steadfast in her love for Allah (swt) and will marry you to please Allah (swt) and perfect half of her religion. The Phophet (saaw) said anyone who marries has perfected half of their religion.

This sister seems like shes looking for someone to take care of her and provide for her children and get some material possessions in the interim in case her plans falls apart. Brother leave this situation alone. Find you a muslim sister who loves you and wants you for the sake of Allah (swt) and you want have to write a prenuptial agreement, which is haram.

Salaam Alaikum

What every I've said that is true and good it is from Allah (swt) any errors is from myself and I seek refuge in Allah (swt)and forgiveness in all those matters.

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim

As-Salaamu 'Alaikum

Sister Haleemah,

Al-hamdu-lillah! Thank you for the nasiha. I must admit that after reading your post, it put a smile on my face(I have not had much to smile about whenever I am thinking about this subject). Shukran Jazellan. I think I was trying a little too hard to make this nikah happen because I grew up without a father, and I was hoping to make up where my own father balked. However, Allah was/is not facilitating this nikah, and I think it best for me to take to heed. It's hard once your feelings get involved. Al-hamdu-lillah, all my hearing has not been sealed...your post is heartfelt. May Allah grant you all the good in this life and the next. Amin!

Wa-Salaamu 'Alaikum,

Nur

P.S. - I just read that this forum is for women only, so I am going to leave now. Sorry.