Assalamu Alaikum!

I've never actually met a sister who was involved in a polygynous marriage, and I'm wondering how would someone go about it.

What is a wedding like? How are finances handled, like if the husband is supposed to spend equally what does he do if he has more children in one house than another? Have you found it more practical to live farther away from the another co-wife or closer? How do you handle it if your husband is forgetful? Are there any books that can help me to better understand how polygyny is practiced?

Please excuse my questions if they seem naive, but I am unaware of how things are done, and I would like to know.

Ma'a Salaama
Razaan

I know of polygynous marriages - in the West. But I do not know if the husband was always able to practice "justice" between his 2 wives.

I also heard about difficulties between the two wives, at least in the beginning. But I know of even worse controversies in similar constellations in the West where women have become eternal enemies with no chance of ever becoming sisters, and one at least becoming definitely the looser.

Anyway, I think one problem is that according to some Islamic view, the husband is not obliged to tell his first wife about his intention of marrying a second - so how could both wives compare in terms of "justice" (at least materially) - in other words, how could this Islamic prerequisite of justice be evidenced in practice?

On the other hand, there are some Islamic states where it is commonly practiced - but, even there, when could a wife resort to court if she is not treated equitably? I don't know if this is even part of the present-day Islamic legislation.

Another problem, in my view: The validity of the wedding (second of course unvalid according to Western laws). One should be very sure that the husband is really committed to Islam - but where is the criterion, to be sure? Otherwise, who knows if, at some point, the husband will "divorce" which will not cost him anything (according to Western law, he is not even married to her!).

aight sistas....salams,
ya'll need ta get up off da brothas...on da real. Now i know us bein' americans got some objections to a brotha strutin wit 2,3, or 4 sistas...but its halal so don't hate. Personally i know at least 5 brothas wit 2 and 3 wives (don't know any with four) that have excellent multiple marriges goin on. It can be done, jus gotta be done right...most of dese brothas is pullin' d**n near 6 figures a year. It also takes a strong person emotionally...but it is possible. I'm close freinds wit da children from these marraiges and some of the husbands...i don't know the sistas in the marriagges all dat well but my moms and my sister do...and they don't seem to have any complaints. As for ya ?s...the wedding is the same as any other Islamic wedding...mutiple children are handled da same, cause its not jus da time with the children but also with the wives (who are to be treated equally)...if you ain't da jealous type its much more practical to live near each other (but not too close, like in da same block radius)...if your husbands forgetful cut him a lil slack, he doin twice da work of most brothas and contributin' twice as much to da community.
Hope i helped, hoped my diction is readable, hope your succesful in ya marriage, and i hope i can find me a lil cute muslimah in a few years...lol,
Salams,

SaLaH: da Imperial

...a brotha strutin wit 2,3, or 4 sistas...

Yeah, your diction is readable, all right, and I am not impressed with it, or with your attitude. I don't know what you think a marriage is, but I can tell you what it isn't: it isn't a man acting like a pimp and showing off his stable to the 'hood.

Salams,
I know of a number of Poligymous marriages in the west. The truth is that it ain't easy. The brother must be strong and very concious of his relationships. It's not compatible with every man. So men need to understand that. Women on the other hand will find it easy if not for all the distraction and the politically incorrect dogma been fed into their heads. Also if a sister doesn't understand what life is about and sees things as a strugle to win, then it's gona collapse and someone is gona loose. The brother must be wise enough to realize if he's up to it. It's very draining. He'l find that out soon enough. We just hope a sister won't be burnt, or a family broken in the process of him finding out. The community should have wise enough men to help and counsel. Jealous sisters will suffer. Satisfied ones, who knows her value and that her man is OK, won't be threatened. A new sister to the game must talk to the 1st and find out what type she is. Also the rules must be dictated mostly by the brother. He's really gona take all the load. Is he up to it? In nowadays men ... Yeek! Honestly. I have a husband who is solid gold. I hated it and fought for sometime. Finally (in 3 years) I saw that it's the only way I can keep my marriage and my man. I realized I'm making it a big deal. It's not threatening. The other sister is fine. She wants to live. She can't thank me enough for offering the opportunity of having her own family and a good man stand by her in her middle age years. We actually all win. Equality? I told my husband to fear Allah and monitor himself. I won't audit him or put any pressure on him. He's complying with Allah's obligations to pray 5 times a day without any auditor. This is another obligation he chose to place upon himself. If he defaults .. it's my gain in the hereafter. He better be careful. Iman is a major factor in the whole thing. If Iman is missing, you can kiss your family and your life goodbye.

Yes sure a man can have 2..3..4.. wives if all the wives agree,
But than they say a man should consult his first wife after hes found a new partner,
In that case is'nt he commiting adultery under the Islamic law.???

I recently got 2nd Nikkah (marriage). My first wife and my daughters are very upset and my 1st wife has filed for divorce. I have 2 childern with my 2nd wife. Is there any one who can convince my 1st wife that Islamically she should not ask for the divorce and don't let my daughters away from me. I still wanted to maintain both families as Allah allowed me to do so. I need your help. Please send me E mail at [email protected]

Thanks

Bismillah

AS

I am contemplating marriage to a sister that is Muslim(in-sha-Allah). She is divorced with two children. I have never been married and do not have any children. We were fine up until the marriage contract. She says she will not accept being a co-wife. Also, she wants a monthly allowance, ownership of my home, rights to my finances, she does not want to work, I have to care for her two children(their does not help at all), and also wants to includes various divorce scenarios in our contract that benefit her. Not to mention she wants a state issued marriage license, so she can take me to court should we reach an impasse. Should I proceed?

AS

Salaam Alaikum brother Nur

Brother this sister is not marrying you to please Allah (swt) and her religion. First, all the sister seems very ungrateful, how many brothers would marry a sister who already has children and he has none. It's not permissable for a muslim women to put in her contract that her husband can't take another wife that is a right given to the man by our lord Allah (swt) and no one can take that right from the man. Some scholars say that it is wajib to practice polygamy because the prophet (saaw) said that his umma should out number all the other prophets on the day of resurrection (something like this). She may put in her contract that she be allowed to seek a divorce and be granted one if he does take another wife and she feels she can't be partial to the situtation, meaning that she can't keep within her covenant to her husband and give him his rights or may cause fitnah towards the other sister as well as create conflict (fitnah) within her own marriage. Second you wife can only take what it permissable to take within the guidelines outlined in Islaam. She is not entitle to your possession that you had before the nikah. She isn't entitle to anything beyond the maintenance that you most give her during her iddah period (which is three months)if for any reason you have to divorce. Anything that you give her doing the marriage is hers to take (clothes, material possessions). If you purchase a house and give it to her for her dowry, it's not permissable for you to take the property back or force her to move out of it. Also, if she initiates a divorce by asking for a Kula(a divorce granted by the husband to his wife upon her initiation/request) and it's not for a reasonable reason she must return the dowry that was given to her. There are different types of divorce, please educate yourself for your own information on how there perform and what the rights are for each party involved. As for her children you can't bequate (will) anything to them after your deceased because they are not your legal heirs born to you and your wife or from a previous marriage between you and another muslim sister. You don't have to provide for her children that is the responsibility of their biological father. She should seek support from him within the state child support enforcement agency. Unless you don't mind being the sole provider for her children. Now of course if your living in the home and you buy the food and pay the bills you would be less of a man and say the sisters children can't eat, thats absurd. Just like to mention that you'll received barakats (blessings for helping the sister financial and in raising her children) Saddaqah is wajib for all muslim what better way to observe the requirements of charity. It is your responsibility since the children are under your guardianship by way of nikah to their mother, you should make sure that they are exposed to and observed islamic rules in your house. As far as getting a state license it's not permissable unless it's for detrimental reasons and the benefitial reason outways the harm. As muslim we are under obligation to follow the Phophet (saaw) sunnah ways in all things. By marrying her and obtaining a state license that would surely give the state the intersection to grant her several things that is haram for her to ask for under Islamic law. In the event you do marry her and have to divorce she most likely based on your post go through the the kufar (nonbelievers) to get those things that you may not sign away to her.

Please Please do some reading in reference to the figh of marriage and divorce in Islaam. Also consult knowledgeable brothers or the Imam of your community if you know the brothers or the Imam is on the right path. Before you do damage to yourself that could cause you grave harm.

Perhaps you might want to marry a sister who is steadfast in her love for Allah (swt) and will marry you to please Allah (swt) and perfect half of her religion. The Phophet (saaw) said anyone who marries has perfected half of their religion.

This sister seems like shes looking for someone to take care of her and provide for her children and get some material possessions in the interim in case her plans falls apart. Brother leave this situation alone. Find you a muslim sister who loves you and wants you for the sake of Allah (swt) and you want have to write a prenuptial agreement, which is haram.

Salaam Alaikum

What every I've said that is true and good it is from Allah (swt) any errors is from myself and I seek refuge in Allah (swt)and forgiveness in all those matters.

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim

As-Salaamu 'Alaikum

Sister Haleemah,

Al-hamdu-lillah! Thank you for the nasiha. I must admit that after reading your post, it put a smile on my face(I have not had much to smile about whenever I am thinking about this subject). Shukran Jazellan. I think I was trying a little too hard to make this nikah happen because I grew up without a father, and I was hoping to make up where my own father balked. However, Allah was/is not facilitating this nikah, and I think it best for me to take to heed. It's hard once your feelings get involved. Al-hamdu-lillah, all my hearing has not been sealed...your post is heartfelt. May Allah grant you all the good in this life and the next. Amin!

Wa-Salaamu 'Alaikum,

Nur

P.S. - I just read that this forum is for women only, so I am going to leave now. Sorry.

Assalamu alaikum sisters.

The way I see things is like this.

Men are allowed upto 4 wives and we are to treat them justly.

This means that if a man buys one wife something then he should buy the other(s) exactly the same thing at the same time and so on.

However, Allaahu Alim, we are informed in the Noble Qur'aan in so many words, that men will never be able to deal in an equally just way with their wives.

I am not a scholar but I do know that even Rasool'Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah azza wa jal be upon him)loved Khadija (Radi Allaah Unha)greatly out of all the wives he ever had.

From this we can see that it is not insha'Allaah necessary that men must be able to also equally love each of their wives

Rather, they should deal with them fairly without bias in an equal manner with regards to their food, clothing, emotional needs etc.

Polgynous marriages are sunnah and therefore wherever possible, should be practised.

Let me tell you this sisters.

Men are by their very nature sexual people.

They enjoy variety and as a result, the sexual side of the relationship is very important, both for the husband and for the wife.

In order for her to be satisfied, he needs to have the correct stimulus to perform his marital obligations in a manner that does this.

Sometimes, when a man sees the same woman in his marital bed year after year, and with her freshness and youth disappearing, he may feel a lesening of his ardour.

As a result, the sexual side of his relationship may begin to suffer and for us men, this often leads to irritability and frustration.

This may couple with distancing in other areas of his relationship as well.

He may start staring wishfully at other females when outdoors. He may even begin to fantasise about them.This allows shaitan in and once inside of his mind, the shaitan may lead him to go further astray such as form an illegal sexual relationship with other women, astughfirullaah.

So, if he has the option to marry 2,3 or 4 and by so doing, he is able to 'refresh' himself sexually, in the long run, it is better for all of his wives.
Women need to learn how to cooperate as co-wives.
Alhumdulillaah. the wives of Rasool'Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah azza wa jal be upon him) did so.

Its in their common interest to so do. This also makes the job of looking after children simpler.
In a family where there are 3 or 4 wives and maybe 10-12 children, co-operation is essential for the well-being of all the children insha'Allaah.

Assalamu alaikum.

Asalam Alaikum
While this sunnah is permissible in light of the Quran & Sunnah ... you fail to take into consideration the more important aspects of numerating wives other than to satisfy male sexual gratification.

The prophet of Allah Muhammed (peace & blessings be upon him) numerated his wives after the age of 50 and all his wives except Hazrat Ayesha r.a was young in age. The marriages were done for socio-economic and political reasons to stregthen the ummah at that time. Whereas the ruling for numerating wives was highly recommended in times during wars where there were many widows and women whose husbands and male members had died during the war ..... If everyone followed your advice and looked at their wives as wilting flowers in the bed that needed some revival by means of replacement ..... there would be many unhappy and/or seperated muslimah about .... How many guys would marry a 40 year old widow with 2 kkids in this day and age when they could get a sprightly young charged up virgin????? Not many I guesse which concludes the point that this cave man approach is contrary to the teachings of Islam and goes on to my second point ..... How can these 'very sexual men" control themselves ...???
They need to suppress their Nafus .. .and they can do this by Zikr-Allah ..... Did you know that lust is a characteristic of the Pig! as Anger is a characteristic of a Dog! .......
Personally I have had in the last 2 years approximately 74 cases of failing polygamous marriages referred to us. We help these women come back on track and help women deal with either problems within their marriages and fornicating partners (either men or women) we have Alhamdolillah a 100% success rate : How?
By way of Zikr-Allah and Wiqf (Naqsh or prayer) which is worn or drinking Naqsh .... Most of the women who come to us are from Wahabbi-type groups like Salafi-Dawah/Ahle-Hadith/Jamaat Islami/Tabliqi Jammat/ even other groups like Shia come and Many Christians, hindu's, and other faiths are all accessing this service ..... Through the prayers household and personal issues have been resolved including:
1. Bringing together husband & wife
2. Harmony with in-laws
3. Alleviate black magic
4. Alleviate illness
5. Stop husband beating wife (creating more love between spouses)
6. Employment and money issues etc etc
The appointed Khalifa is linked directly to an established and continuos chain from the Qaadri, Chishti, Saabri Order ... And he has all authorizations for writing and giving Wiqf and conducting Zikr halaqa's which are held every week here in Toronto Canada. We have clients from all over the world (including those secret clients) who also have the audacity to call this Shirk and Bidah. All the services are Fi-Sabillah and at no charge whatsover .... So any sisters experiencing problems of any kind ... please post your request on this board and we will respond to you confidentially and directly .....

Wasalam Sister Humah

Bismi-lah! As-salaamu-alaikum dear believers. I believe that all the comments have been beneficial for the Ummah. I agree with sister Humah in the reasons she states for polygyny. I'd like to add that Al-Islam also has a logic(Hikmah)or wisdom. She disagreed with the brother when he mentioned the sexual aspect. Remember, that was his view, though I don't disagree with all of it. I'd like to ask a rhetorical question. You don't like his statement about the reality of women losing their beauty over time, but sisters if you pay close attention,many men feel that way. Right or wrong. I commend him for his honesty. Wouldn't it be of more benefit to all,even if he had a sexual weakness, to take more wives to satisfy that according to the sunnah of Mohammed SAW? My limited personal view is that the sexual aspect is a reward from ALLAH for taking on all the additional responsibility. After all ALLAH SWT,does give rewards and punishments for everything. ALLAH SWT knows best how man's nature is constructed, and even pious men need an incentive to take on more wives. ALLAHUL-ALEEM. I personally am seeking additional wives if it's permissible to say that in this forum. As far as who seeks out the additional wives we have in the Prophet's example both ways. ALLAH SWT increase light for us all,amen.

Bismillah,
As Salaamu Alaykum,

I agree with the brother it's more honorable to satisfy ones desire in halal manner, as oppose to possibly committing zinah with someone who's unlawful to you.Allah says marry ,2,3 or 4 and then 1 if one can't deal justly with them .Polygyny is a nimah(mercy) for men and women.Allah isn't going to perscribe anything bad for us.We must put our tawwakal(faith)in Allah,and realize that theres some hikmah(wisdom)in all matters.LET THE SUNNAH GO FOWARD AND DON'T STOP IT WITH YOUR OPINOINS!

i have never seen ignorant muslim sisterS like i have seen in this post! RAPE IS HALAH - says who? ya allah! please if you guys dont know anything about islam - THEN DONT SAY ANYTHING!
And as for the women who are assisting thier husbands looking for new wives what is wrong wiht you?????????? can't u satisfy your husbands? and dont try to act like angels in this websites ya'all hate it! i mean what kind of a woman agrees to share her husband? that's when we all create problems. Alllah gave me the information if i am not willing my husband cant marry another wife - AND THE MINUTE HE DOES PLEASE I AM GONE I WANT MA TALAK! We muslim women need to stress that! i have seen my mother, sister, aunt suffer through polygamy and their husbands werent even there for them because they liked the second WIFE, OR THIRD WIFE. well duh and you want your husband to look around! Honey i tell mine point blank you want another give me TALAK! there are a lot of men around i would like to have ma own instead of share, cause unlike you sisters who are willing - I DONT WANT TO SLEEP ALONE IF I HAVE A HUSBAND!

The brothers that your mom,sister,and aunt has choosen as husbands may not havebeen good men to have married just,because they have had an bad experience with polygyny dosen't mean that it's bad.Allah says you love a thing which is bad for you,but hate a thing which is good for you.The prophet(saw)was the best of mainkind what do you have to say about him practing polygyny?I'am not saying go and and look for a wife for him,but just because he may get another wife DON'T say TALAQ!SUBHANALLAH!you are willing to give up your family like that.Who's to say that the other men aren't going to creep!?When a man a 2,3,or 4 inshallah hes trying to have taqwa by doing what Allah says ie.taking care of the women it's VERY difficult to have more than one women.I REALLY admire brothers who practice polygyny according to the SUNNAH!As for sleeping alone Allah isn't going to give you a test that you can't bear.Sister put your trust in Allah.LET THE SUNNAH GO FOWARD AND DON'T STOP IT WITH YOUR OPINIONS!!!!!