http://www.secularislam.org/call.htm

I am a newly married woman, to be married to my muslim husband I had to convert to the islamic faith..therefore I don't know much about islam yet..the other day my husband and I got into an argument and I said disrespectful things to him and before I knew it he had me over his knee..the beating he gave me lasted for what seemed like forever and hurt terribly..afterwards I told him I had never been so humiliated in my life..then he showed me in the koran where it gives husbands permission to beat thier wives..had i known this I would have discussed the possiblility of it ever happening in our marrage before I agreed to marry him..could someone please explain this practice to me..and is it common through out the middle east..we are moving there soon and I really don't know if I want to go after all..

Salaam,


I went to some sites to get some details for you. I found some articles that you should go through, these are the following links:


http://www.understanding-islam.org/related/text.asp?type=question&qid=544


http://www.understanding-islam.org/related/text.asp?type=discussion&did=339


http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=2083&dgn=3


http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=10680&dgn=3


http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=13803&dgn=3


I hope that they will be some of some help. The actual Quran ruling is:
"Men [as husbands] are responsible for their women because God has made the one superior to the other [in different spheres] and because they spend of their wealth. Therefore, righteous women are obedient [to their husbands] and guard their secrets as God has also guarded secrets. As for those from whom you fear refusal of obedience, admonish them and [if this does not effect their behavior then] leave them alone on their beds and [if even this does not effect their behavior then] beat them." (Al-Nisaa 4: 34)

Thus hitting one's wife only comes as a last resort and is used as a corrective measure. The Holy Prophet pbuh never did so himself. You are new to islam, Allah has truly blessed you. I would recommend that you should get a copy of the Quran, with explanation and the book Sahih Al Bukhari (containing the sunnah of the Holy Prophet pbuh), together they will really help you.

take care,


wasalaam

Thank you for your reply..I went to the sights and I see that my husband did not abuse me..but he did jump the gun so to speak..he went straight to beating instead of using the steps layed out in the koran..

although it is hard to see beating in this way..in my country there is only one difinition for the word beat..at least in the minds of the women..and that is the use of fists and consists of black eyes, fat lips and broken bones..

my husband did not beat me in this way..my husband is very kind and loving..as I hope is true of most islamic men..I believe, as in my country there should be two terms for this practice..the word beat, should be used for abuse..and spanking should be used for the word discipline..which is what we do in my country..

yes, from your mail it did seem more like a spanking and if you want to know anything else, i'm here,


Allah Maaki

Like it or not, you have entered into a marriage with someone who believes Allah gives him the authority to beat you when all else fails. Mehreen should be ashamed of herself for directing you to websites that compare a husband's authority to beat his wife with the authority we give our police to control criminals. You're his wife, not a criminal.

Stop taking advice from men who may be pretending to be women on this website; only a man claims that hitting a woman is acceptable because it is only "spanking". You know better in your heart.


Seek counsel from whoever oversaw your conversion to change your husband's attitude. Maybe he should exercise the kind of authority that Mahreen likes and hit your husband a few dozen times. If he agrees with your husband that it is acceptable to hit you, there are plenty of muslim lawyers (real licensed members of your state bar)who can arrange for you to benefit from the protections of American law. Good luck.

Mehreen..please explain this concept to me..is beating in the koran the same as spanking in america..there are plenty of southern places that condone this practice..mostly in the mountains..this had never been done to me or anyone I ever knew as many people here consider it abuse..I was shocked to have it happen to me..I still don't know if it is something I will accept and am considering taking Rescues advice..my husband and I are still at odds over it..

Salaam,

Firstly to whoever this Rescue is, i do not understand your position at all. I have given you a verse from the Quran_ and you have the audacity to refute it, obliging no proof, no reference, no Sahih Hadhis against it.

You are giving your own opinion and i respect that, but the moment when you enjoin your own opinion in context to islam; advising others what to do and not to do, inforcing what (seems to you) is wrong and what seems to you to be right and then offering no proof as basis, then i am afraid that you are in error manifest. Why refute something that Allah has made lawful...i would ask you to clarify your position and more importantly, back it up with islamic rulings, otherwise we have no argument.


For Anonymous, you husband "jumped the gun" so to speak, and that was wrong according to the Quranic ruling and i said that. Plainly, the process according to one of the sites i directed you to is:

"If the wife is at fault or is rebellious, he should first warn and advise her. If that doesn�t work, then he should withhold conjugal relations and not speak to her. If that doesn�t work, then he is allowed to hit her, but not in a painful fashion. This does not mean that her entire body is his to beat as he wishes � no, and a thousand times no! Islam does not allow him to hit her severely or leave bruises, or break her bones, or cause her to bleed, neither is he allowed to hit her on the face (as you pointed out in your question). The hitting that is allowed is within certain limits and is for the purpose of discipline, not for revenge or to vent one�s anger."

That is the islamic position. Thus the physical abuse that "beat" implies in the states is out. The serious thing is that your husband has jumped the gun once and he can do it again . He was wrong to do it so rashly and not following the procedure as stated by Allah in the Quran, and that should be clearly pointed out to him. In the end, it is your marriage and concerns your future, and i really think you love him, so talk to him about it_ show him the Quranic ruling and i am sure he will realise that he acted too hastily.


Allah knows best.

wasalaam

sorry if i sound a bit huffed_ hope it helps though.

no you did not sound huffed and your post did help..my husband and I finally sat down and talked about it..he was raised in america and is from the spare the rod spoil the child also goes for women part of our culture..and spanking is something he does..his father spanks his mom and his brothers-in-law spank his sisters as do his brothers spank thier wives..it is not considered abuse in thier family and he apologised for not making this clear to me before we married..he offered me the option of leaving the marrage..and I seriously considered it..but I have decided to stay in the marrage as long as he follows some ground rules I have given him..he agreed they were not unreasonable requests and has promised to not cross over this line I have drawn..therefore I am hoping our marrage can work..as I love him tremendously..here's hoping..:)

I'm not a scholar, but my dad has never beat my mum and force should only be used as the ABSOLUTE last resort. Even when they do beat you, they should do so only to make it clear that you have done a grave wrong and not 2 specifically hurt you.

salaam

spanking as in leaning u over his knees and hitting your backside is not the way clearly recommended in the Quran as an absolute last resort. it should be a light tap, anywhere except the face. it should not cause pain or injury such as soreness or a mark afterwords, but should be a wake-up call to u that u have been behaving unreasonably. but the fact that your husband bent u over and spanked u like an infant is just...well...odd. u both need to go to an imam, or look in books that explain how to enact this verse in the Quran. if u are both interested in following the Quran and Sunnah, and if u both ever come to the point where it is necessary to wake u up by laying a hand on u, u must do this.

wa salaam

fatima