AS'SALAMU ALAIKUM MY HUSBAND WANTS A SECOND WIFE. I EVEN THINK HE HAS A SISTER IN MIND.THIS HURTS ME SO MUCH THAT I FEAR IT WILL PUSH ME OFF MY DEEN,OR BE MY KEY TO THE HELLFIRE, ALLAAHUALAM.WE CAME TO ISLAM TOGETHER,BUTI FEEL LIKE POLOGAMY IS GOING TO BREAK US UP.HE TELLS ME I HAVE TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR THIS SITUATION,BUT I GET DEPRESSED EVERY TIME I TRY. SISTERS PLEASE TELL ME HOW ICAN DEAL WITH THIS ACCORDING TO THE QURAN,AND SUNNAH WITH OUT PUTTING MY DEEN ON LINE.WHEN ANSERING PLEASE FOR MY SAKE AND YOURS PLEASE REMEMBER TO FEAR ALLAAH WHEN ANSWERING!!!!!! JAZAKHULAAHKAR

Assalaamu Alaikum.........

I am writing requesting sincere help. Don't waste your time responding to me if you believe polygamy or any other Sunnah of Rasulullah saw is "outdated", or if you are going into that whole Muslim man bashing scene.............save it. I'm not the sister you need to be talking to. That being said, I could really use some sincere naseehah from those who can come correct. I LOVE my husband... no I don't think you get it... I LOVE HIM... mashAllah our relationship has done well in the past and is going okay for now alhamdulillah. I have always known that my husband prefers and desires to have a second wife. My problem is I have been going through an emotional roller coaster while he considers this one and that one.... alhamdulillah he wants to make the best choice for all of us..... but there are certains things involved in the search that have seriously incited my jealous side. Lately I feel that some of the ruder comments I've gotten about my cooking, or weight, appearance etc. have been because no matter how much I try... I am not HER... Whoever the HER of the moment may be. MashAllah don't get me wrong... Allah has granted me a wonderful husband, and I go the long haul to be a good wife....... and I am by no means a tack head, or a slacker in the kitchen. I just feel that no matter how good I am he is comparing me to someone else......... that wouldn't be sooo bad if there weren't soooo many someone elses out there. Some of these women are like wolves... astaghfirullah .... the tactics would scare ya!!!!LOL... any way I usually can keep a could grip on the emotions but lately it has been more than difficult.............. my emaan is at a low and I am fighting depression. I feel that I am letting this bug me way too much.... I mean there are other things to be concerned with.... come Yauma Qiyamma I won't be thinking of him, her , you or anyone else......... but I can't seem to get my focus on and get over it. I'm slipping and I am just looking for kind words... more or less telling me what I already know.......... but coming from a fellow believer sometimes is what I need. Please remember family in your duas.


Holding on to Hot Coals

As salaam alakum
I know how you feel sista. What you have to do is put your love for Allah first and Allah will make it easy for you. Fellow muslimahs tell me that I should love for my sister what I love for myself but I can't see myself offering my husband to a sister who is not married. I was not born muslim and I just can't grasp the fact that one day I may have to share my husband. The only naseehah I can give is to put Allah first and he will make this situation easy for you.

as salaamu ala man ittiba al hudaa

I have been married for nearly ten years, eight of which have been spent in polygyny - so I guess that makes me a veteran!! I have four children Masha'Allaah who go to a local Islaamic school. Their ages range from 9 to 1and a half.

>I adhere to ad Dawatus Salafiyyah Masha'Allaah and have been doing so for the past 12 years.


I would like to add my ten pence worth to some of the comments!
>
>being in polygyny is a good opportunity to give dawah and let the people know
>that you are not an oppressed doormat rather you are someone who feels
>strongly about your beautiful religion, and who has so much convinction
>in Allaah subhaanahu wa ta'ala, that we are able to make this
>sacrifice.
>
>We don't have to be ashamed about our religion. But we do have to be
>careful as polygyny is generally illegal in the West and it may cause
>some problems.
>
>I remember when once I was in hospital and my co wife came to stay at
>my house in my absence. After I returned one of my neighbours came to
>me with a very distressed face. She talked about this and that and
>eventually she just blurted out that she had seen my husband with
>another woman whilst I was gone! She (being a non practising Pakistani
>Muslim) went on to say that you should never trust these men with the
>beards they are the worst kind as they look pious but do the worst
>things.
>
>When she saw that I had started laughing she said I even saw them hold
>hands!! When I told her the reality she was shocked. But I explained to
>her that this was living Islaam. We have to accept the whole of Islaam
>not just those bits that conform to our desires.
>
>If we truly love Allaah and His Messenger Muhammad [salallaahu alayhi
>wasallam] then we have to accept the whole deen and live by all its
>rules and regulations whether we like them or not whether we can
>understand and see the benefit in it or not.
>
>Know that the rewards for our sacrifices in this life are many million
>trillion times better than the whole of this world and all that it
>offers. So what if we do not get all the happiness in this world? So
>what if we do not get tons of attention from our husbands etc etc? The
>path to Paradise is hard and full of difficulties! Does Allaah not say
>to us that He will test us to see which of us is strong in faith. Do
>you think you will be left alone after saying you believe?
>
>I believe that we should thank Allaah that He is giving us an
>opportunity to purify ourselves. He is giving us a chance to show to
>Him that we believe in everything He has ordained for us and that we
>believe in Him doing full justice if not here then in the Hereafter.
>
>Forgive me for going on but these are the pep talks that I keep giving
>myself everyday as I fight my nafs. Polygyny is not easy but if we ask
>Allaah for help then He, subhaanahu wa ta'ala, can grant us ease, and I
>can bear witness to that.
>
>Polygyny is an exercise (if you like) in learning to sacrifice some of
>the most beloved things to you. True sacrifice is giving up something
>that is very dear to you. For most of us it is easy to give �10 in
>charity or to interrupt our day to pray five times a day, but to give
>up having your hubby to yourself (and all that comes with it) is a real
>sacrifice for which the reward is immense if your intentions are
>correct.
>
>I will end by saying a few more things that I have learned throughout
>the years. Please remember the religion is sincere advice and a
>reminder benefits the Muslim;
>
>* Please make your intentions sincere and correct. What is the
>point of suffering such heartbreak if you do not get any reward for it
>because you did it for a reason other to please Allaah.
>
> "shall we tell you the greatest losers in respect of
>(their) deeds? Those whose efforts have been wastedin this life whilst
>they thought they were acquiring good by their deeds?" Sooratul Kahf
>
>* Please be careful on this list to maintain the honour of your
>husbands and co wives. Verily they are Muslims and their honour is not
>to be violated. Imagine if they were discussing you and your
>characteristics etc to some of their friends then how hurt would you
>feel?
>
>* Don't lose your deen over anything of this world. This world is
>temporary. On the Day of Judgement, the pregnant women will even leave
>her own foetus! No one will help us on that day except our good deeds
>and our strict adherence to the Deen. So stock up on that. Be in this
>world like a traveller, just take what you need for the journey.
>Sisters use your situations to pick up mega good deeds, don't let the
>situations ruin your deen.
>
>* Choose good companions who give you sound and sincere advice.
>
>I hope that no one feels that I have lectured them. Allaah knows my
>intention was not that but was rather to share with you some of the
>methods that I use to fight with my nafs day in and day out. I
>sincerely believe that we have to fight all the way and not give in to
>the whisperings of shaytaan. But that is Islaam - striving and
>struggling in the cause of Allaah.
>
>Very very finally I would just like to talk about
>about how a first wife should treat her co wife. The answer to this is
>that there is no one answer. Each woman is different and has a
>different nature. Each situation is also different.
>
>My co wife is a revert masha'allaah and had come from another city. So
>when she got married she didn't really have any family or friends so we
>would see quite a bit of each other. When we talked we would just talk
>about things you would talk about with another new sister that you had
>met, minus anything about our hubby.
>
>As time went by though we began to see much less of each other as that
>is what we felt would be better and things have stayed fine
>Masha'Allaah. We have a chat and a laugh now and then, we don't go into
>danger topics!!!!!! And alhamdulillaah things are good.
>
>I believe that it is not 'healthy' to get too close, as you would with
>your best friend, but to maintain a friendly distance.
>
>Once again I apologise for making this such a long email I apologise for unknowingly
>offending anyone. I look forward to your companionship. May Allaah
>increase us all in firm eemaan, aameen.
>
>Anything that I have said incorrectly is from me and all good is from
>Allaah Subhaanahu wa ta'ala
>
>Wa salaam
>Umm ahmatullaah

Allah the Most High says in His Qur'an which means:

"O you who believe! Enter into Islam completely, and do not follow the
footsteps of Satan. Verily, he is to you a clear enemy." Surah al-Baqarah
2:208

you are so right!

Your reward is with Allah, may He bless you all.

wasalaam

As Salaamu Alikom,
What naseeah would you give to a second wife?What are some of the do's and don't when it comes to polygyny?What advice would you give to a brother who decides to take on another family?

Jazakallhu Khair